Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
