dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
