i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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