That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
