I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
