Midget sex pt 2 tonight
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
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