i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
