I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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