The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
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My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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