just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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