I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
