gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
