I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
my being single is dangerous.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
