he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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