a queef is a wish your heart makes.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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