the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
