Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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