I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
