Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
