I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Man, jail baloney is awful.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
