i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
