You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
