Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
