tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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