There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
