I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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