You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
