I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Randomize
