She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
