do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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