The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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