He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
