Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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