vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
