On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
there is puke in my bra ... again
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
