also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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