Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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