I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
