He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
