I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
