i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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