the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
