The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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