I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
