I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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