wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize
