Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
