Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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