i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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