We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
