a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
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Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
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$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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