and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
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