You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
