For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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