So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
