I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
