i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol