We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Dating After Heartbreak
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".