I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
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I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
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He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.