I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
