I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
After tacos, we're chasing women.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
