Texts From Last Night

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  (213): View more from California

  those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later

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  (213): those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later http://tfl.nu/envj
  Replies (9) Good night (6316) Bad night (721)
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  (559): View more from California

  Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs

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  (559): Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs http://tfl.nu/r642
  Replies (18) Good night (2732) Bad night (633)
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  I think I sharted a yagerbomb.

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  (502): I think I sharted a yagerbomb. http://tfl.nu/xi3d
  Replies (15) Good night (810) Bad night (3697)
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  (310): View more from California

  Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.

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  (310): Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist. http://tfl.nu/cj2p
  Replies (15) Good night (4187) Bad night (659)
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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses

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  (423): he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses http://tfl.nu/s1hg
  Replies (44) Good night (1477) Bad night (5797)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.

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  (757): everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date. http://tfl.nu/pynx
  Replies (36) Good night (1043) Bad night (4361)
• Favorite

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"

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  (501): we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american" http://tfl.nu/1xh1
  Replies (26) Good night (8130) Bad night (1207)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night

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  (847): Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night http://tfl.nu/mp67
  Replies (7) Good night (3160) Bad night (878)
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  (949): View more from California

  I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.

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  (949): I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night. http://tfl.nu/qme4
  Replies (9) Good night (1457) Bad night (668)
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  (310): View more from California

  Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.

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  (310): Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping. http://tfl.nu/k0y4
  Replies (16) Good night (1639) Bad night (832)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...

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  (314): And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb... http://tfl.nu/trz3
  Replies (11) Good night (2378) Bad night (725)
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  (585): View more from New York

  let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious

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  (585): let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious http://tfl.nu/21or
  Replies (7) Good night (374) Bad night (802)
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!

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  (859): I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS! http://tfl.nu/rgig
  Replies (2) Good night (928) Bad night (360)
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  (636): View more from Missouri

  I'm the Oprah of jello shots

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  (636): I'm the Oprah of jello shots http://tfl.nu/kh66
  Replies (2) Good night (502) Bad night (201)
• Favorite

  (251): View more from Alabama

  The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging

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  (251): The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging http://tfl.nu/8h2b
  Replies (1) Good night (361) Bad night (125)

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