I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?