What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I will pee on everything he values.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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