yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Randomize
