Texts From Last Night

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  (248): View more from Michigan

  I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.

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  (248): I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose. http://tfl.nu/ckrs
  Replies (12) Good night (1262) Bad night (695)
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina

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  (972): 90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina http://tfl.nu/4hnn
  Replies (7) Good night (952) Bad night (3405)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat

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  (813): just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat http://tfl.nu/dslu
  Replies (36) Good night (687) Bad night (4768)
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;

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  (216): For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan; http://tfl.nu/zp6w
  Replies (82) Good night (863) Bad night (4382)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.

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  (402): Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR. http://tfl.nu/vjij
  Replies (25) Good night (7384) Bad night (941)
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?

  (636): View more from Missouri

  anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence

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  (702): Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls? (636): anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence http://tfl.nu/1u56
  Replies (32) Good night (8782) Bad night (1033)
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?

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  (419): So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out? http://tfl.nu/bixu
  Replies (49) Good night (888) Bad night (12133)
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"

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  (615): I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program" http://tfl.nu/jmw5
  Replies (9) Good night (1705) Bad night (3733)
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.

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  (920): the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet. http://tfl.nu/lvr3
  Replies (12) Good night (5945) Bad night (982)
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.

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  (817): I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve. http://tfl.nu/17gc
  Replies (12) Good night (8217) Bad night (1041)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair

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  (630): the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair http://tfl.nu/rgwc
  Replies (17) Good night (1210) Bad night (4572)
• Favorite

  (951): View more from California

  It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.

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  (951): It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle. http://tfl.nu/s5be
  Replies (15) Good night (1046) Bad night (3739)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth

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  (412): I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth http://tfl.nu/07bl
  Replies (3) Good night (1517) Bad night (640)
• Favorite

  (940): View more from Texas

  BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.

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  (940): BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic. http://tfl.nu/0fj8
  Replies (4) Good night (731) Bad night (451)
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night

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  (773): I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night http://tfl.nu/rjdu
  Replies (1) Good night (415) Bad night (177)

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