We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."