Texts From Last Night

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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I wish there were wingman of the year awards.

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  (405): Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk? (918): You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush. (405): I wish there were wingman of the year awards. http://tfl.nu/wr2g
  Replies (19) Good night (3768) Bad night (849)
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  (951): View more from California

  so let's talk penis.

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  (951): so let's talk penis. http://tfl.nu/oygv
  Replies (16) Good night (4481) Bad night (660)
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops

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  (907): the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops http://tfl.nu/07bg
  Replies (45) Good night (10469) Bad night (929)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory

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  (541): we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory http://tfl.nu/4fuz
  Replies (59) Good night (5448) Bad night (974)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Really* awful people.

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  (215): I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people. (215): Really* awful people. http://tfl.nu/94fn
  Replies (3) Good night (2753) Bad night (832)
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  (949): View more from California

  Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.

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  (949): Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night. http://tfl.nu/dgcc
  Replies (6) Good night (1832) Bad night (589)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.

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  (937): I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt. http://tfl.nu/gq37
  Replies (3) Good night (788) Bad night (1245)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell

  (1-704): View more from North Carolina

  Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those

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  (704): Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell (1-704): Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those http://tfl.nu/iyze
  Replies (4) Good night (1655) Bad night (856)
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  (432): View more from Texas

  she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.

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  (432): she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback. http://tfl.nu/m8zb
  Replies (18) Good night (3733) Bad night (666)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding

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  (847): Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding http://tfl.nu/svxp
  Replies (16) Good night (4854) Bad night (989)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.

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  (908): Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila. http://tfl.nu/habz
  Replies (3) Good night (550) Bad night (271)
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  (928): View more from Arizona

  i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.

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  (928): i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice. http://tfl.nu/k07n
  Replies (1) Good night (517) Bad night (312)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  I'm trying to hide in the table.

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  (973): You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man. (201): I'm trying to hide in the table. http://tfl.nu/7531
  Replies (1) Good night (388) Bad night (274)
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  (906): View more from Michigan

  My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.

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  (906): My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow. http://tfl.nu/cu71
  Replies (3) Good night (486) Bad night (200)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand

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  (703): we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand http://tfl.nu/zspz
  Replies (1) Good night (468) Bad night (221)

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