there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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