I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
