i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
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Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
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Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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