I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
do herpes really smell.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
