May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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